-[between “fly away” or "stay alone"
the choice seems a simple one
but to fly means your on your own
a friendless wanderer, a lonely son
so now you stand and have to choose
“stay along here” or “fly alone there”
either way, you seem to lose
so what does it matter? who. freaken. cares..?]-
recently, a very dear friend of mine whom i love and respect greatly told me something..
i was complaining (retardedly) about how for some reason everything seems to be a crap shoot..
my emotions are just completely raw, unaltered, and uncontrollable (which is not something i enjoy feeling...)
so this friend says to me "maybe, its just time for you to fly"
(i was kind confused at this point..)
so they clarified.. (and i am paraphrasing, sorry friend..) "maybe you're just reaching a point in life where you need to just get away, go somewhere, anywhere, but do something freeing.."
they then started suggesting things..
-going to new york
-going camping
-grabbing a friend and going on a road trip..
ext.ext.ext..
.. and that's when i realized it..
for me it doesn't really matter what i do, but who i do it with..
and suddenly i realized somthing..
now understand, i do have friends..
i have friends whom i love completely, respect utterly, and would trust with my life..
i have friends whom i've known for everywhere from 6mths to 15yrs..
but still, for one reason or another.. i feel alone..
and i believe its cause deep down i know that in life you really have only two choices
you either a) fly away or b) stay..
the problem for me is that both of those means your going to be running solo sooner or later..
cause in a) obviously your cutting a new path, making a new life that's different from the one you grew up with, new places, new experiences, but it means leaving every friend you spent the first 18yrs of your life build relationship with..
while b) your staying put, but there is a wonderfully good chance that all those friends you've spent time building relationship with will be gone one day, which means starting over anyways..
and i swear, there is nothing in my life as scary to me as knowing i'm going to have to start back at friendship square 1..
i mean seriously! i personally (and this is my selfish moment of the day) think its crap that after spending all that time building several very unique, very special friendships in my life, after all the work and time i've put into them, all i've bloody got to look forward to is that fact that there is a 90% chance in 20yrs i wont have talked to anyone of them for at least 10..
i mean seriously that kinda upsets me and personally (ok 2 selfish moments today..) i think rightly so..
i mean gosh darnit! i'd like to be able to know for certain that atleast 1 of these friends i'm spending so much time loving, praying for, worrying about or whatever, is going to be around later on..
is it really to much to ask that i know for certain that in 20yrs i wont look back and go ".. man.. i really miss him.. and her.. and him and him and her and him and her and her.. (ext. ext. ext.)"but never see anyone of them again?
now you might say i'm being extrema (.. probably cause i am..)
but really, basically our choices in this crap shoot are simple.. "stay behind and watch all your friends leave" or "fly away lickty split, leaving all you friends behind"
*sigh* and frankly, i just don't like my options..
therefore, i proceeded to right a depressing poem and corresponding a depressing blog, basically complaining that its all retarded..
and yet, the stupid fact remains that one way or another.. i have to make a decision..
(cause even abstaining decides my fate on way or the other..)
*sigh* so good night, good luck, and what will you choose?
cause the clocks a ticking and we're already low on time as it is..
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love,
ReplyDeleteit makes me sad that i wasnt around when this blog was first written, because i feel like i should have been.
because i feel like i started it.
so heres my reply, weeks too late but i hope it still helps.
your looking at it with far too much pesimism for your own good because its not really a lose lose situation at all.
Don’t be afraid to shed some light on the subject , ill help you.
heres the thing- you know that verse in the bible, talking about how there is a time and place for everything?
thats not just bogus, its actually completely true.
and people/friends are that way too.
the way i see it, you win both ways.
let me explain.
the friends you have now.
lets choose 3.
me,ian, and john.
out of us three, youve known ian the longest so lets suppose (hypothetically of course) that ian is going to be someone that you get to know and share your life with until it ends. he wont always be around but youll email every once in a while and reunite every few years to catch up and such.
and thats a good thing.
now suppose that im only going to be around until i graduate highschool, after that i go off to London to study... something... and we never see or talk to eachother again.
and suppose that john is only going to be around till your senior year in college, then you go off to new york and hes off somewhere else... you guys keep up for a couple of years but then lose contact.
consider all of these scenerios for a few minutes. then think about what you were actually suggesting in your little rant here.
that no matter what you do you end up wasting time on people.
do you really consider the time youve spent worrying and praying and loving all three of us isnt worth it just because we arent around forever?
God has plans daniel, and they are always going to be different from yours.
Hes pretty awesome and he knows that we are going to need certain people in our lives for certain things that we are going to be facing, so he sends those people to be there for us when we need them the most.
true, our time is running short, but that doesnt have to be a bad thing.
all your life you are going to run into situations where people leave or grow apart and you have to learn to okay with that.
its important for you to be able to come to a place in your heart where you can see the fun that youve had with people, seen how youve been able to help them or theyve been able to help you, realize the important things you have learned from these friendships and understand that its not always Gods plan for us to have life long friends. Its not a waste daniel, it’s a lesson and being on your own every once in a while is a good thing as well.
And youre right in realizing that your really don’t have a choice in that.
Until you get married and drag your wife all over the place with you theres going to be times when you are, in fact, alone and you have to be kewl with that as well.
God wants you to be able to trust in him daniel and hes not always going to provide friends for you, but that doesn’t have to be a bda thing, you know?
What im saying is, that even if youre alone, it doesn’t mean that you wasted time with people.
It just means that your e alone.
You don’t have to be angry because you have to realize that that’s how God designed some people to be.
The only reason some people come into your life is to show you things, help you understand, and teach you lessons, and in the blink of an eye, theyre gone and that’s just the way things are danny boy.
Don’t let it get you down.
You have to know, its SO worth it.